4 Things I Wish I’d Heard During Difficult Times

Have you ever looked back on certain moments of your life and wished you’d had a particular piece of information? You probably would have made certain choices that you feel would have improved your outcomes. Right? When you go through a setback, in that moment, you believe it’s the end of the world. You may start to feel your world closing in on you, like nothing else really matters except what you are going through. Remember what I’ve said countless times in this community: life is about your perception and how you choose to see things.

Gems, I know this post is long overdue and honestly should have been up earlier this month, but here we are. Sometimes life gets in the way, but I won’t be living the month of May without giving my gems some gems to reflect on.

I want to talk to you all about 4 things I wish someone had told me when my world felt like it was closing in on me. As stated in my previous post, sometimes it’s okay to begin again. The majority of the population is going through some challenging moments, from questionable political decisions to price inflation to job losses, and some are even experiencing eviction and homelessness. These are not the best of times for many, and honestly, it hasn’t been for some time.

You are not alone. “Why do these things keep happening to me!?” “I don’t ever have the best luck.” If you have ever uttered these words, this one’s mostly for you. When challenges arise in life, especially at an intense rate, it is easy to assume that misfortune only happens to you. You convince yourself that no one else in life could possibly understand what you are going through. You convince yourself that life hates you when, in reality, that couldn’t be further from the truth. You are not the only one who experiences hurt, pain, and disappointment. In life there are seasons: the good and the bad. What I’ve learned is that how you choose to view your circumstances helps you get through them. A few years ago, when I was unemployed, I was so convinced that I was the only one experiencing this problem. It didn’t matter how much effort I put into my job search; I convinced myself I was doing something wrong, despite no one hiring me, countless hours of studying for job interviews, countless rejection letters, ghosting from jobs, multiple false starts, countless networking events, obtaining multiple certifications, and enduring toxic environments. The list goes on. Fast forward to today, I observe many people, especially on social media portraying the exact same narrative about their circumstances. In reality, when I looked outside of myself, the economy was not great. It’s so easy to convince yourself that you aren’t doing enough, even when you are giving your very best. You internalize your situation and make it a “you” thing. Life is happening to you AND a lot of people. The only difference is that many are great at masking it. It sucks, it hurts, and it is not fair. You can make the most out of your situation, or you can wallow in self-pity and get nowhere; the choice is yours.

Keep Moving Forward, it will be okay. Even though it might feel like “this is it”, trust me when I say that your circumstances can change at any given moment. When I say keep moving forward, I am not talking about neglecting yourself or pretending like your true feelings aren’t valid. Keep Moving Forward is about not giving up on your bigger picture; it is about taking the time you need to reflect and ground yourself in your new reality. Keep Moving Forward is about taking a new route home. When you go through challenges in life, and you feel like there’s no way out, when you are lost without hope, it is easy for your mind to convince you that this is all that life has to offer. We live life in seasons; some are pleasant, others are unpleasant, but I highly doubt that the point of experiencing life is giving up when those unpleasant moments arise. It challenges you to develop the strength you have never used before. I know it feels like your life may be over, but it is only over when you choose to stop living. Your struggles are not forever; they are for this season in your life.  And though it may be unpleasant, it encourages you to look forward to the pleasant moments to come.

Acceptance. This is the last stage of grief where we usually find peace in our current situation. It is difficult to get through challenging moments when you refuse to accept that you are in the midst of a challenge. At this stage in your life, you have clarity and some grounding that can allow you to move forward. Ask yourself: What is the universe or the divine trying to tell me in this moment? Is there anything I have been avoiding that I could not see clearly that I now have the opportunity to rethink? I believe that sometimes life has a way of slowing us down, not to take away or punish, but to redirect and to refocus on the bigger picture; however, during the current moment, it feels like we’re being stripped of everything. Think about it like quicksand: the more you struggle and resist, the faster you sink, but when you slow down and regroup, you find new strategies that help pull you up. Gems, I am fully aware that this isn’t an easy mindset to obtain, especially in the midst of pain, struggle, confusion, or uncertainty, but it can be done. It has been done. Acceptance is not about approving this as your final chapter, but an agreement to your openness to flipping the pages to the next chapter.

Have you ever heard the phrase that we can make our plans but the Most High determines our steps? This implies that in finality, the divine has the bigger picture and is aware of the outcome of our situation. This can be extremely frustrating, especially if you are a chronic planner because it somewhat discourages you from pursuing your goals if the path to those goals is constantly changing. Imagine if life went the way that we planned 100% of the time; where is the excitement in life? Where is the personal growth? From my experience, it’s okay to make plans for your future as this fosters discipline and structure when pursuing your goals; however, becoming rigid and clinging to those specific outcomes can drive the sanest person insane. Be open to how your life can change. You have a goal, a scenario of how things should go, and your desired results, but sometimes the divine has a way of surprising you with a new and most times better path. There have been moments in my life where I thought I wanted something badly until I received a different outcome and realized it was not only what I wanted but also what I needed. I didn’t realize what I truly wanted because I was so consumed with my original plan. Listen, unexpected changes can be frustrating to handle; I get it. But remember to trust, have faith, and PLEASE be open to the possibility that your circumstances can change in the ways you least expected them.